Kaiji

OK I realised that I did watch a movie and forgot to write about it like I always did.So here it is,the review of Kaiji:

IT SUCKS.

The plot had more holes in it than a wheel of Swiss cheese,and during the whole fucking movie you're being treated to loser-palooza.It's stupid and pointless,and the whole fucking movie should have been over in the first 30 minutes after he won the fucking Rock Paper Scissors game.Yeah,Rock FUCKING Paper Scissors.Not something cool like poker,or blackjack,but ROCK.PAPER.SCISSORS.

So nanananana they get dragged down to some underground city to work as slaves to repay their debt.Then Kaiji gets fed up and decides he wants to leave,so he goes on this trip called Brave Men's Road,which isn't as gay as it sounds.They have to walk across a tower crane from one end of a skyscraper to the other,but there's a catch: The crane is electrified so they can't use their bare hands to crawl across.Ooooooooh,scary.THEN WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST TAKE OFF THEIR COATS,PUT IT OVER THEIR HANDS,AND CLIMB ACROSS ANYWAY?!?!?!?!?!

So anyway Kaiji was the only one that made it through,despite heavy winds,heavy rain,8 losers who were so pessimistic I hoped that they all fell off and died,and sure enough,they did,and oddly enough,a creepy old man staring at him from a window.So 2 guys made it,but the other guy was blown off the building because of the change in air pressure,whatever.So Kaiji gets pissed off when he only gets 700,000 yen instead of the 20 million,of which he would give 10 million to some mega-loser's daughter.So they play this game called E-Card.Kaiji lost,initially.Then he found out that they were tracking his heart rate when they were playing so they knew which cards he would play.So he takes out another loan and plays him,smashes his head against a mirror so he'll be bleeding and his heart rate would be off the chart and therefore unreadable,and he wins.

OK,this E-Card thing is unimaginably moronic.So there are 2 decks,one Emperor and one Slave deck.The game has 3 types of cards,the Emperor card,the Slave card and the Citizen card.The Emperor and Slave decks have 4 Citizen cards each,and the Emperor deck will have one Emperor card,Slave deck will have one Slave card.So the game goes like this,each player plays a card face down,then flips it up and sees who won.This is how they decide.The Emperor beats Citizen,The Citizen beats Slave and The Slave beats Emperor.If both players play a Citizen card,then it's a draw.So it's simple,whoever wins first,wins the whole game.It's EXACTLY like ROCK PAPER MOTHERFUCKING SCISSORS.

So bottom line,this movie is stupid,and you end up hating Kaiji and the rest of the losers because they're all whiny and unwilling to do something about their predicament.I have never hoped for the protagonists to die so badly.